Losing Myself: Understanding Mood Changes in Perimenopause

I never used to think of myself as moody or unpleasant to be around. I’ve always taken pride in being grounded and even-tempered. But about two years ago, something began to shift — and it caught me off guard.

On certain days of the month, I’d feel irritated by the smallest things. The noise, the mess, a slow reply — it all got under my skin. I thought maybe it was just PMS or the stress of juggling everything on my own.

But what really unsettled me wasn’t just the mood swings. It was the way I showed this side of myself to the people I love the most. I noticed my kids would quietly disappear into another room when I was around, trying to avoid accidentally catching mum’s bad mood and getting snapped at over something small. That broke my heart. I didn’t like who I was becoming — and I didn’t understand why it was happening.

Then came the anxiety.

It wasn’t just worry — it was irrational, sudden, and overwhelming. I’d be cooking dinner and get hit with a surge of fear that the gas stove might explode. My chest would tighten. My mind would spiral. I’d turn the gas off mid-cooking, take a breath, and only restart once I felt it was safe again. At one point, I even wondered if wearing a safety helmet in the kitchen would help — if I could just ignore how ridiculous I’d look with an apron and a helmet on at the same time.

Eventually, it clicked: this wasn’t just a stressful patch. I was entering perimenopause. And understanding that changed everything.

What’s Really Happening?

Mood swings, anxiety, irritability — these aren’t just “in your head.” During perimenopause, your brain and body are navigating a complex hormonal transition. It’s not just about declining oestrogen. It’s about how those hormonal changes affect your neurotransmitters, stress response, and sense of self.

Here's how it plays out:

Brain chemistry shifts

Oestrogen interacts with neurotransmitters like serotonin and GABA, which regulate mood, sleep, and emotional stability. As hormone levels fluctuate, so does your brain chemistry — often leading to low mood, anxiety, or emotional reactivity.

The HPO axis is under stress

The communication loop between your hypothalamus, pituitary gland, and ovaries starts to misfire. Your brain keeps sending signals to stimulate the ovaries, and the lack of consistent response can lead to emotional and physical symptoms — including mood swings, fatigue, and anxiety.

Poor sleep, poor mood

With disrupted sleep (often due to night sweats, low progesterone, or anxiety), your emotional resilience dips. Lack of quality rest makes it harder to regulate stress and handle daily demands.

Nervous system overload

Your body’s stress response becomes more sensitive, meaning everyday stressors feel bigger and harder to manage. That "wired and tired" feeling is very real.

It’s Not Just Hormonal — It’s Social and Emotional Too

Perimenopause doesn’t happen in a vacuum. It often coincides with some of life’s biggest challenges:

• Raising children (sometimes solo)

• Managing a demanding career or business

• Caring for aging parents

• Feeling invisible or misunderstood

• Navigating identity shifts around aging and womanhood

This is where mood intersects with psychosocial health. It’s not just about biology — it’s about everything that’s happening around you, too.

What Can Help?

While there’s no one-size-fits-all solution, there are powerful ways to support your mood — biologically, emotionally, and socially.

1. Nourish your nervous system

Look for nutrients/supplements that support the gut–brain–hormone connection, such as adaptogens and antioxidants. 

2. Protect your sleep

Create a calming bedtime routine. Wind down, dim lights, reduce screen time, and consider gentle supplements that support natural melatonin and calm.

3. Talk about it

This phase can feel isolating, but you’re far from alone. Sharing your experience with trusted friends, peers, or a coach can help you feel seen and validated.

4. Reframe your self-care

Self-care isn’t indulgent — it’s essential. Movement, breathwork, journaling, boundaries, and rest are non-negotiables during this stage.

5. Seek support if you need it

Whether it’s therapy, coaching, or medical guidance, reaching out for professional help can make all the difference.

You’re Not Broken — You’re in Transition

What I’ve learned through my own experience is this: You’re not losing yourself — you’re evolving. Mood changes are one of the most confronting parts of this journey because they can make us feel unlike ourselves. But they’re also a signal that your body is asking for care, support, and attention. Because navigating menopause isn’t about fixing what’s broken. It’s about supporting who you are becoming.

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Disclaimer - This content is for general informational purposes only and is not intended to imply benefits of any specific product.